WARNING
THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS, OVERUSE OF SPACE JOKES AND MANY MANY MANY SEXIST JOKES.
The jokes are intended only as humor, and do not reflect my personal views.
If you are a woman and find offense, just remember we let you learn how to read.
(Again, just a joke!!!!!)
Movie Title: Macross: Do You Remember Love?
Release Date: 1984
Other Names: Clash of the Bionoids
Throughout the 80's, we have seen the advent of many remarkable,
original, timeless stories. Transformers, Thundercats, Voltron, Ninja Turtles, Terminator, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Super Mario, just to name a few off the top of my head.
Among these is a series called Robotech, released by Harmony Gold.
During the "Giant Robot" craze, U.S. entertainment companies had to put out
something that had giant robots, but without the blood and gore that came with it as cheaply as possible without animating original material. "Why don't we just chop it up and keep the kosher parts" answered many production issues, particularly animation production. During the 1980s, our animation standards were still not stellar, with Disney and Don Bluth at the forefront but only in the area of feature films. Jetsons, Scooby Doo and Scrappy Too, to name a few, were about as good as we could manage with budget constraints. But what if the hard work is already done, and all we have to do with splice it and talk over it? Thus dubbing was fully developed and born.
One of these series to get the cut-and-dub treatment was
Super Dimensional Fortress Macross. With some editing, both in video and story, and some voice actors that didn't sound too bad or too good,
Robotech was born. After a hard spank from a doctor, Robotech made itself known to the world as the illegitimate bastard child of Japanese animation and American writing with its bastard half-siblings, Voltron, Star Blazers, Power Rangers, and Dragon Ball Z (Ocean Dub) off the top of my head. But these will be reviews for later.
What I am reviewing is unedited, Japanese language, English subtitled. And it is the magnum opus of Japanese animation in the 1980s. Macross - Do You Remember Love? and its Japanese/American bastard child with severe defects, Clash of the Bionoids.
Review:
Story: 9/10
Macross DYRL is essentially a movie version of the series, but starting right in the middle. For those who have not seen Macross or Robotech, this can be a stopping point for some. All the viewers see is two BIG green men, then a giant space ship with space jets fighting big green men with little to no context. We do get some context from exposition, but hearing about it and seeing it are two different things. Now, for those that HAVE seen either Macross or Robotech, you have a good idea of whats going on. Space Fold technology is used to lift Macross from Earth, and sent them all the way out to Pluto due to a Zentraedi threat. Now the Fold drive is broke and the big cannons don't work unless in robot mode, techno-babble, techno-babble. Within the context of the Macross/Robotech universe, there were some changes, but nothing overly significant. The film is supposed to be post-apocalyptic, which is not realized until over halfway into the movie, which provides an extremely pleasing post-apocalyptic atmosphere (because that can be pleasing). While there were some technical/logical issues, such as gravity or runways on a space ship, the overall story was excellent. Giant green men, space ships, and love triangles weave together without feeling artificial. With anime nowadays, its never a love triangle. It's either a giant-breasted harem or nothing. The dialogue is surprising good, the characters talk AND act like people.
Animation: 8/10
While anime has some great animation, for the 1980s this was a work of art, but not 100% of the time. The filthy hew-mahn art is honestly not completely different from the Macross/Robotech series, but is still improved. The beauty is in both the mecha and the space environment. Explosions are not simply domes or circles, the rings of Saturn making spherical rainbows is fantastic, and giant robots battling to the death with giant assault rifles and missile spam is glorious. The ART or style is not the best ever, but the animation itself (which is the amount, fluidity, and complexity of movements) is above average. It is pretty violent and gory, but not overly such.
Characters: 10/10
The issue that is prevalent with current anime is that all the characters constantly get put into overused archetypes. You have your stupid but strong Gokus and Narutos, your silent but deadly Vegetas and Sasukes, your brilliant Shikamarus and Yu-Gi-Ohs, and your comedic Krillins and Usopps. But here, we do not find out. We find actual
people.
Hikaru Ichijyo is a rookie, therefore is fairly confident in his abilities but knows he's not perfect. He's shy around women but not above being a perv as you will see. He is an orphan, but doesn't let that ruin his life or make him Space Batman. He improves in his abilities but not through means of strengthening his Chi or Chakra or bulking out. He progresses
normally, getting better at what he does, maturing. In terms of the love triangle, of course he's gonna try his shot at the celebrity singer, but realizing she's too famous and fickle, he finds someone, not settling for less, but going for someone more
suited to him and actually gets him. There's a difference between your celebrity fling and your potential wife.
Minmei Lynn is young and impulsive, wanting all the fame but none of the responsibilities. She is carefree and fickle, not in a bad way but because she is young. Best way to think about it, you're the one dating Britney Spears when she first got famous... keep that in mind from that point to now. Ironically, this makes her a normal, real person as well.
Misa Hayase is a military women who forgets she's a woman (not in a bad way!). She is 100% committed to the cause and her duty, having lost a love interest in the past, thus leaves herself no time for relationships. Logically, instead of whining and weeping for the rest of her life over a lost boyfriend, she poured all her energies into her work to keep her mind off such things. After meeting her, she would be the last person you'd expect to have the hots for Hikaru (and vice versa), but the concept of love over time is actually used, rather than the horribly overused concept of love at first sight.
Roy Focker (I am NOT making this up) is a potential rapist. I'm kidding, but he is a man with a very high testosterone level, and can only keep it from turning him into a man-god by drinking booze, and striking him down will make him more powerful than you can possibly imagine. He's manly, blonde, good at his job, and knows what he wants. He drinks and has a deep sense of masculinity, making out with Claudia in the middle of the restaurant IF not more.
Bruno Gloval (Global) - Sadly, he is barely seen in the film, but is the Captain of the SDF-1 Macross. As you will see in the synopsis, there is a reason we barely see him... he can barely be contained!
Music: 7/10
The music is not a major selling point for me. It does have quite a bit of pop love music, which is fine I suppose, but I am just not a fan of pop music or love songs. And Minmei, being a pop singer, is responsible for ALL of the pop songs since she is literally the only pop idol on the entire ship.
Synopsis - Do You Remember Spoilers??:
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Britai and the Brain, one is a genius, the other's gets the blame.
They're Zentraedi and not so nice, their genes have been spliced.
They're Britai, Britai and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain. |
We start off with two Zentraedi, Britai Kridanik and another who I shall call Brain, looking at some of the spoils of war, refrigerators on wheels, what I can only guess is a chicken dispenser since it says "Skinless" on the front, and a space cell phone.
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| Don't know if this is a chicken or condom dispenser. |
Brain also noticed that "strange sounds" were coming from the ship, making the soldiers confused and unwilling to fight. Since these are spoils of war, that means battles of already happened. We are right smack dab in the middle of the overarching story.
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| Space jets. On a stiiick! |
Then we meet the Super Dimensional Fortress Macross (say it loudly with a Japanese accent). And it is beautiful and colorless. SDF Macross is literally an aircraft carrier. In space. That transforms. In space. You will also notice that while the SDF has runways, the jets don't actually use them, but instead are picked up by robot hands and held until the jets are ignited.
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| Imma let ya finish Minmei, but first, craps getting real outside y'all |
After seeing some badass space jets, we meant one of the main characters, Lynn Minmei, singing in a concert. By the way,
kyun kyun means
zoom zoom. We also hear what is either Minmei's greatest fan or greatest stalker in the stadium. As she gives some exposition, we learn that its been 5 months since Macross left Earth, and some serious stuff has gone down in that time. But enough of worrying, time to sell the next great single from the ONLY entertainer on the entire ship. Oh didn't I mention? SDF Macross is a giant aircraft carrier. In space. With a city in its "legs." In space. So it's basically the USS Enterprise... without transforming (and no, splitting in half doesn't count!).
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| When in doubt, roll face on Missile button. |
The Red Alert klaxons start blaring in the middle of Minmei's twerking, committing the sin of taking the attention off of her. We then meet the other main character Hikaru Ichijyo, a rookie pilot with Skull Squadron. With Zentraedi ships coming in, they fire off with tried-and-true Macross missile spam and blow up a rather significant chunk of the enemy. Hikaru isn't actually awesome at his job, but not incompetent. Then we meet his squadron mate, Max, who literally killed 5 Zentraedi fighters in almost the same amount of time. Victory is shortlived, as they figure out that the battle pods they were fighting were... a DECOY! (Not a trap... yet).
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I don't take orders from sammich makers!
And I don't see a sammich. |
We return to the SDF, which is engaged in glorious giant robot orgy battle. Hikaru manages to take out a battle pod aiming at the Macross bridge... only to get chewed out by Misa Hayase, the epitome of feminist, but in a good way. She is competent, by-the-book, and sadly, a woman, so Hikaru completely ignores her orders and enters where several Zentraedi fighters entered the ship's city, Macross City.
After entering the gap, several Zentraedi fighters enter the city, one of which showing remarkable promise of Epic Space Fail by FALLING headfirst into a Space Starbucks, killing many Apple users, and obviously missing Minmei and who I think is her manager, boyfriend, cousin, or all of the above. They try running, holding hands which causes some awkward jibbering from the Zentraedi. Then arrives the rookie rapscallion, Hikaru, so save the day-ish. Run up until the gravity systems go out, so of course according to 1980s logic, they have to fall, not float or fall slowly.
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| *Crrrunch* |
Minmei does the impossible and falls down the interstate without scraping it before being grabbed and mercifully not crushed by Hikaru's jet-arms. With reaction speeds to rival Sonic the Hedgehog, he blows right into a maintenance bay.
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| Over-Compensation Cannons! Fiiiiire!!! |
Outside with more explosive, therefore awesome, things happening, Macross has transformed into its robot form, and has engaged its two massive cannons, which for plot reasons, can only be used in robot mode. Macross then proceeds to blow up the nearby Zentraedi battleship in one volley.
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| Dark, alone, and passed out? Don't mind if I do! |
Back inside the less-than-explosive maintenance bay of yawn, we see Hikaru try to grope at Minmei while she is passed out. That's our hero folks. Fortunately before it got really awkward, Minmei wakes up, foiling Hikaru's plans, though her hand instinctively went over her chest, so this isn't the first time she's woke up to potential groping. After introductions and autographs (she's the only singer on the entire ship, so why not), they learn that communications are blocked and the maintenance bay is made of hyper-carbon, meaning it's the future. Macross then leaves Titan's orbit, knocking out any significant gravity and causing them to float. Hikaru's first reaction? Second base, then a peak at third base. Then we have... a Zero-G montage!
Please avoid times 17:54-18:03. It has extremely unexpected and unwanted nudity. Just avoid it altogether.
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| Kill it with fire!!! |
We cut back to the Zentraedi fleet where hilarity ensues. Britai and the Brain review footage of the battle, aghast at males and females even being the same room. They refer to the humans as Microns. The funny part is when about 15 Zentraedi soldiers, each about 30 feet tall, are hiding behind shields with weapons armed, and at the center is a doll of Minmei. They are literally wetting themselves. One soldier mans up and pokes the doll. Many things are wrong with the previous sentence.
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| America's reaction to having to keep Beiber. |
The doll falls over and stands back up and begins singing a pre-recorded song. The Zentraedi warriors, part of one of the greatest armies in the Universe, drop a brick at the singing, sweating and literally foaming at the mouth. But of course, this is an expected reaction to Space Beiber.
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| The Nathan Fillion of Macross. |
Back on SDF-Manly, the sexy god among men, Roy, sends his men to search another area for Hikaru. We bring down the testosterone level thanks to Misa, who thinks Hikaru chickened out, which is an impossible for Roy, the Chuck Norris of Space. We get a small flashback of Misa saluting an assumed ex-boyfriend. I say ex since he evaporates. Her boyfriends always seem to evaporate.
We then get into Minmei's background, which is basically going off to be a singer and parents aren't happy about it so she heads out like a pre-apocalyptic hippy. She would "work hard and become a famous singing star," which is partly true... she is the ONLY singer on the ship. And of course, her parents are now part of the biosphere. How dare they try to hold back such raw talent. Minmei then asks about Earth to give us actually important information, which is that the Zentraedi bombarded Earth. More on this later.
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Cartoon Logic: If you don't look down, you won't fall to
a bone-crushing death. |
Hikaru, being a dunce, asks if Minmei was actually hooking up with some actor on some random PBS soap opera. She laughs, and shows off her solici... I mean acting skills off for Hikaru, making out with him as the gravity comes back on. And of course, instead of fallings down, they slowly float down as the bay doors open. With rapid reporters waiting on the outside. Space journalists are bloodhounds!
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We interrupt the war casualty report with this shocking news
bulletin! Some famous chick kissed a guy! |
After a chewing out from Misa, that man-god Roy with Max and Kazikaki burst in, congratulating Hikaru on finally proving his manhood and finally earning respect. Only to tell him that they didn't do anything, thereby losing favor in the eyes of the golden stallion, Roy. Rumors circulate about the "scandal" among the citizens and Space Fox News, because in a desperate war in a post-apocalyptic worlds, a scandal between a pop star and a pilot is of the utmost priority.
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| Roy Focker doesn't discriminate. He dominates! |
Hikaru meets with Misa, Claudia, and the human sex machine, Roy, who informs Misa that a woman must tell a man he's right even if he's wrong, and Hikaru to be aggressive and take the booty. Roy Focker then tries to live up to his surname, and hops after Claudia. In the midst of God's view of what should be between a man and a woman, Hikaru gets a call from his long-dead parents in the guise of Minmei wanting a night of fun. They are, of course, dressed in 80s style.
Begin 1980s Space Mall montage. We realize JUST how much of a perv Hikaru is as he points at a love hotel, which is prominent in Japan. It is what it is, no pretense. Now for a brilliant idea. Take a civilian in a military spacecraft on an unauthorized flight to Saturn's rings. We cut away from Michael Bay's Space Pearl Harbor to Britai and the Brain talking to Supreme Commander Boldoza, who shall now be Commander Bulldozer. Literally sounds the same. He tells Britai and the Brain to capture a Micron. Lo and behold! There's some just flying around like jackasses enjoying a flight montage with Minmei lip-syncing to her own song.
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Seriously, you took a military aircraft for a DATE?!
Seriously, you still haven't made me a sammich? |
This party is crashed by both Misa and Minmei's brother, cousin, boyfriend, I honestly don't know at this point. Their shade of hair is roughly the same. Both thoroughly chew out Hikaru and Minmei, so nothing new happens until about 20 Zentraedi show up. Misa brought out the space equivalent of a Ford Bronco, so is captured immediately, while Hikaru, the pride of the fleet, flew around in hostile territory in an unarmed ship and caught quickly. No points for caution were won this day.
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HOLD MAH BEER!
And watch this! |
The idol of womanhood, Roy Focker, arrives guns blazing, missiles spamming... and trashed. But alcohol cannot deter or shake him. "How can you fight a war if you can't handle some booze?" Wisdom handed down the Focker line. In absolute of the inebriated space stallion, the Zentraedi bow before his manliness and take hostages. A Zentraedi battleship arrives to pick up the hostages, but despite their desperation to keep Roy out, he penetrated the ship ready to paint the walls with Zentraedi blood. Unfortunately, a combination of hostages and 50 Zentraedi guns pointing at him, he must allow them to live. If it had been 47, the outcome would be vastly different.
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| We have officially entered Space Arkansas |
Roy, Hikaru, Minmei's... something, Minmei, and Misa are taken to Britai and the Brain. They begin interrogations. We learn that the Zentraedi, each at about 30 feet tall, are engineered to fight and only fight, any concept of anything outside of fighting baffles, confuses, and gives rabies. Their sworn enemy are the Meltrandi, giant females. Male and female Microns coexisted confuses and disgusts them. A hug freaks them out. Roy explains the concept of a kiss, but declines as he knows his manliness would not allow him to stop there. Instead, we get a kiss from Minmei and her brother/cousin/manager... *cue banjo music* The Zentraedi are just as disgusted as we are and send them away for what we hope is therapy.
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| Kiss me like a REAL man next time! |
After Minmei and her... thing are transported to a different area, Hikaru, Misa, and Roy are inadvertently freed by an attacking Meltrandi warrior. They make for the Valkyrie and the Nerf Jet. A few Zentraedi try to get them back, but are freaked when the dunce Hikaru actually mans up and kisses the stone-hearted Misa. They are in shock and awe at an unexpected show of manliness. Misa, of course, slaps him to remind him who the real man is.
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| A traditional Meltrandi Sandwich |
We finally see the curvy battle armor of the Meltrandi, who paints the walls with green man blood, shooting one in half then stomping on his head for good measure. She then leaves... not retreat, but leaves. As Roy tries to clear the way, a cowardly Zentraedi pounces from above and smashed in the Valkyrie headpiece. Covering Hikaru's escape while wounded, Roy takes out the Zentraedi's armor, but not the Zentraedi himself. He punches Roy's Valkyrie, but out of sheer testosterone, he isn't crushed, but inconvenienced.
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| Meet The Real Focker |
Sadly, all good things must end. A 6 foot tall human out-mans a 40 foot tall man by grabbing his mech's gun and pointing it at the soldier's back, shooting both the soldier and Roy himself. Roy, not his mech, then explodes in a fireball of manliness. Women across the universe weep.
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| Proof that women make for terrible drivers. |
Hikaru tries to rescue Minmei, but the Zentraedi decide that they must fold away before a being of even greater manliness arrives. Hikaru and Misa are caught in the fold's field, but are randomly dumped on some crater-ridden planet. Hikaru's manhood was folded away with Minmei and seemingly gives up. Misa, on the other hand, makes up for this by trying to scout the area, but sadly, lacks competency in flying a jet. They fly up and crash soon afterward to discover the remains of United Navy Offensive Aircraft Carrier, Prometheus. Or possibly Battleship Yamato. As any reasonable person can deduct, this is Earth, and it is filled with evolved apes and xenomorphs. Remember when Hikaru said Earth was bombarded? Incinerated might be more appropo. Hikaru and Misa explore different regions around Earth, and not finding radioactive zombies. The only undead things might be the cans of tuna.
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| Behold! 1.44MB of Unlimited Power! |
Back in Zentraedi space, Bulldozer along with Britai and the Brain listen to Minmei sing. We are introduced to the concept of Protoculture, which is just like the concept of Culture, but its Proto, and that makes it sound ancient and spacey. The Zentraedi definition is "creative activity that is not fighting." The creators of the Zentraedi programmed them to become involved with culture. A Zentraedi band is what the universe can do without. Bulldozer understands the power of culture, and after dramatic shaking and lights, produces the almighty Fragment of Culture! Which is basically a 3.5in. floppy disk with an MP3 on it.
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| Could I interest you in a fish sammich? |
Back on Planet Deep Fried, Hikaru and Misa continue their world tour. The Melting Eiffel Tower in France, The Burning Louvre, the Statue of Charcoal in New York, and the Great Trapezoids in Egypt. Misa, understandable, gets bummed out. Hikaru, genius that he is, tries to feed her a Buck-Toothed Cancer Fish. The tumors are particularly chewy. The places a wet rag on her head, because wet rags cure all fevers. Not raising anyone's spirits with such a delicacy, Misa deduces that if Earth could be taken out so easily, what can a warship do against that. To lighten the mood, we learn that Hikaru was an orphan, his mother dying young and his father, an acrobatic pilot, went "zoom -- splat." (Hikaru's translated words, not mine). Misa then looks at the rag, which was autographed by Minmei. Cancer Fish is exquisite with a glass of Guilt.
During another flight, they notice a platform in the middle of the ocean, that was not made by humans. They discover Aquaman's Cave of Lame, which includes space communication but only enough power for a short message and a hologram PowerPoint gibbering in a different language. We learn that this is actually a colonization ship of Protoculture, which was a space civilization, using genetic engineering to take out all the fun of reproduction, and the need for men and women to be around each other. This led to a war of the sexes and to creation the giant Zentraedi and Meltrandi. Realizing that making giant Frankensteins and Frankenbrides, the creators went to Earth and created the early humans. 20,000 years ago, the Zentraedi showed up so the Proto-People split, hiding the city. The last of the power is used to raise "Atlantis."
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Somebody's been reading the Good Wife's Guide from
Housekeeping Monthly. |
The duo explore the ruins, finding another floppy disk with lyrics. Misa gets womanly, so like a man, Hikaru walks off to look around. Misa discovers her womanhood, doing the dishes, setting the table, and making fish sammiches. Misa acting the part of a woman makes Hikaru feel more like a man (in relative terms). They enjoy a dinner cuisine of oxygen complete with air wine. Now, with two people literally the only two people on the planet, there is not much in the way of choice. Misa falls for the only biological male on the planet, and Hikaru falls for someone slightly less manly than himself, but only through biology. This fact is sadder than Earth getting annihilated.
But choices soon arrive in the form of SDF-Macross.
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Manliness Restraint Defense 1
Mustache Deployed |
We finally meet the only person in the universe manlier than Roy Focker. UN Spacey Captain Bruno Global (Gloval). But unlike Roy, who must always show off his manliness, Global has to use a triple defense system to keep him from wooing every woman and emasculating men across the universe. His mustache, his 1-eye covering captain's hat, and his pipe. In this scene, he only needs his mustache when dealing with soldiers, but with two women in the room, he also needs his
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Manliness Restraint Defense 1 and 3
Mustache and Pipe Deployed |
pipe. All defenses come to bare when on the bridge, where he is literally surrounded by a harem. Claudia, knowing what to expect of a real man, asks if he died well. Died damn well.
Hikaru and Misa rejoin civilization after doing God knows what on a completely deserted planet, seeing videos and hearing music of Minmei all over the ship. Hikaru, with two notches on his belt, feels nostalgia rather than remorse.
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This will be me after my wife
reads this review. |
Enter the Meltrandi, who arrive above Earth after intercepting the communications from "Atlantis." To combat this dire crisis... THREE Valkyries are sent to intercept them. Hikaru, Max, and Kakizaki. Max and Kakizaki jab at Hikaru for stating that the Meltrandi are probably (definitely) tougher than the Zentraedi. Kakizaki tries to call Hikaru a chicken for having a woman... and immediately comes down with a bad case of missiles to the face. Literally. Max goes head to head against the Meltrandi commander, toe to toe, blow for blow. They are literally equals in combat.
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Worst part, the Over-Compensation Cannons were destroyed
by a pink laser... |
The Meltrandi battleship does what every woman does, and goes for the throat. Or in this case, SDF-Macross's cannons, knocking them out. Out of nowhere, we hear vocals from Minmei, freaking out all of the Meltrandi except for Max and the Meltrandi commander, who immediately get the hots for each other based on combat prowess. The Meltrandi retreat as the Zentraedi fleet arrives with Minmei. They want peace, and they will get peace with the massive Brain-Eye ship.
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Manliness Restraint Defense 1 and 2
Mustache and Captain's Hat, Deployed. |
We cut to a press conference, with Global, mustache and one-eye-covering captain's hat in full swing. The next part, I am not making up. "Effective September 11, 11:00am, U.N. Spacy SDF-1 Macross and the Zentraedi 425th Bodol (Battle) Fleet have agreed to peace." So, just to reiterate, on 9/11, the Twin Cannons of SDF-1 are blown up. Global then announces the Protoculture civilization and the realization that humans, Zentraedi, and Meltrandi are all actually related (but not like Minmei and whatever that guy is) and created by genetic engineering.
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The Three Space Stooges
Baldy, Larry, and Mo |
To prove this, 3 Zentraedi (who are well-known in the series of Macross and Robotech) are shrunk down to human size. Britai, watching Space Fox, makes a joke, wishing he could become a Micron. Considering how fiercely the battles have ensued, it's out of place, and at least to me, funny. But enough of unraveling the secrets of humanity, for now Lynn Minmei shows up on stage. In the background, we hear the melody from Bulldozer's floppy disc. But it doesn't have the lyrics! Where could they be!?
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| There Will Be Blood. And lots of concrete. |
Now for public awkwardness. Hikaru and Misa take the stage to meet Minmei. Minmei dashes, teary eyed, at Hikaru. Hikaru, of course, just looks at her as a chick he used to date in high school but moved on. Misa, doing dishes, looks at the old floppy disc she found in the ruins, which happens to be the lyrics to Minmay's melody. Speaking of... Minmei shows up at Hikaru's apartment, stating how she loves him after two dates. It spirals downward quickly into an awkward situation complete with overflowing coffee and Misa walking in on the scene, and Minmay running out. Hikaru, however, does not chase after her. Minmay is the girl next door. Misa is the non-crazy type you try to marry. Score one for Hikaru.
Mercifully, the Red Alert klaxons blare. Everyone gets to battle stations, with more than 3 Valkyries getting set to deploy against the rapidly appearing Meltrandi. Hikaru, NOT getting to his ship, instead tries to track down Minmei to give her the song lyrics. Without the song, Bulldozer decides to bulldoze both the Meltrandi and the humans. The Zentraedi fleet bombards Earth... again... taking out the Protoculture city. Kicking the horse skeleton.
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| Eye Cannon, otherwise known as the Space Bulldozer. |
A massive space battle ensues. Hell of a light show complete with explosions and mushroom clouds all over Earth in the background. Zentraedi, Meltrandi, and Valkyries all going head to head in the ultimate battle for dominance! ... Now we cut to Minmei sulking. Frrrraaaaaaaak. Hikaru, with as little tact as possible, tells Minmei to sing the song as Bulldozer, with his main cannon, bulldozes tens of thousands of Zentraedi and Meltrandi fighters in one shot.
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| You ate my sammich?! |
Minmei, being a bitch, doesn't care if everyone else dies and that being the only two people on Earth is enough for her. Hikaru, in response, gives a resounding pimp slap. He already did the "last 2 people on Earth" bit. Now I do not condone the slapping of men or women. Slapping women is wrong, slapping men is... awkward. Seriously, fists. However, slapping out of hysteria I do support. Though it is hard to tell whether this is hysteria from Minmei or disgust from Hikaru. He's seen to many people die, and being told she doesn't care about anything they've done to protect her and everyone else... I can't find too much fault with the slap.
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This is me fighting and exploding.
This is you pissing about doing nothing to help me. |
Minmei agrees to sing, thinking about it
just long enough for a Valkyrie to get loudly exploded with fire in a vacuum.
She takes the stage, singing the lyrics of the Protoculture song, which is LITERALLY just an old pop song, thus meaning music died a long time ago. However, it still pumps everyone up for battle, and we catch Max and his new girlfriend. Rather than her going down to his size, he gets grown to her size. I will not go into the implications of such a size change.
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| Can never have TOO much awesome! |
Britai, with the Zentraedi fleet, pledge to protect Macross, as they don't appreciate being vaporized from the back by Bulldozer. The forces of Meltrandi, Zentraedi, and humans all spam missiles at the mothership, which is still quite a large threat, being as it's so... large.
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| Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh. Shut up, Beavis. |
A hole is blown to the inside, just large enough for Macross to get inside and wreck shop. After penetrating all of Bulldozer's defenses, Hikaru finally mans up and shoots Bulldozer in the face. Yes, in the face.
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Time to remove Manliness Restraint Defenses.
First the bridge, then the Universe. |
As with all movies, if you take out the head honcho, their base of operations must inevitably blow up too. Everybody cheers, loudly, in space, because you can totally hear cheering in space. After the war had been one, it becomes post-victory nap time. Even Global decides its nap time, covering up his pipe and mustache with his hat. We learn there are many more like Bulldozer throughout the universe, but for now, the war is won. We then take part in a rather awkward stare down between Hikaru's ex-girlfriend and future wife. But they smile and all that, so no cat fights, just happy faces at each other.
We finish with Minmei saying 1-2-3-4 repeatedly, then breaks into the credit music.
And that's all folks!
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| A little gag from the animators, one of Hikaru's Missiles. |
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| I wasn't even suppose to be here today!? |
Conclusion: While it does have some pacing issues, Macross DYRL was one of the milestones of Japanese animation in the 80s. This would obviously be outshown by Akira four years later, but for its time it was nearly a masterpiece. Space ships, mecha, post-apocalypse, lasers, explosions, faces melting or flying, and interesting, three-dimensional characters that aren't cookie-cutters. While the animation was a little subpar at times, it is still high quality overall. The changes between from the Macross/Robotech series is understandable with only 115 minutes to work with (yes, this was nearly two hours long). If you haven't seen it, check out the Youtube Link above. Yes, it is English-Subtitled, but the alternative is bastard of the Sci-Fi, Clash of the Bionoids. If I can get my hands around its throa... I mean, on a copy, I will give it a review.
Thanks for reading, and apologies for the length!
